I hate my mother.

thanks for being supportive mom.

just thanks.

really appreciate you telling me im good for nothing.

I really do.

really appreciate that you think I'm a "quack"

I really do.

and what I really appreciate is when you say

"I hate you"

I thank you mom.

I really do.

I wish you'd never given me life.

I really do.

... I'm lying. i despise my mother.

uhm yeah, my cell phone was stolen today

and i have a feeling it was a mexican.

in the words of me (feeling angry right now)...

"Move out of my way or I'll stab you with a key."

so long.

So basically, if you don't count the fact that it's six months until i turn 16...

I'm a licensed driver.

:]

However getting to this point in my life wasn't easy.

I barely passed that test and I'm usually really good at driving.

But i drove with this kid

whom morgan and I fondly refer to as

Rolf.

Then I let up on the break a little while the instructor was out of the car.

and he accused me of stealing it. (falsely, of course, have no fear)

Later on he proceeded to shake my hand and say,

"See you out in a traffic jam."

and I walked away.

Amazing.

au revoir.

goodbye

see you later.

fwoar AIM isnt working on the lappy.

wtf

omg so bored.

omgomg

my bed creaks

can't sleep at night

read too much

miss my friends

wish to see them

hellogoodbye in six days

monty are i is amazing

lost my mojo

mo comes home tomorrow

new bed on saturday

the ace gang sleep over next week sometime

michelle leaves in two weeks

im begging you to be my escape.

to grandmothers house we go.

blah blah blah

apparently that's a thanksgiving song.

wtf?

anyway I went to the land of dead plants and mexicans to go visit ma grand-mere.  She's being senile and such- not remembering that she's told me the same story 8 times in a row with me reciting it with her in the end.

true story.

anyway I finished my summer reading last night.

HUZZAH NO MORE POISONWOOD BIBLE UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS.

I'm seriously about to blow up a balloon and throw a party.

I'm going nocturnal again tonight-except this one's different- it's planned. hahaha. Mo is going to do it with me- huzzah!

I'm starving- my 'rents aren't home.

I haven't spoken to Lindsey in forever- where's my windsey lindsey?

Going to Tara's with Regan was fun and what not. but since then I've been bored off my ass.

I'm going to my g-ma's tomorrow morning. Greeeaaatt. I'll be back sunday night. *sigh* whatev.

I miss everyone <3

-anne

Hope is something everybody needs

Something you need to breathe

If you exclude it you’ll get nowhere

Stranded on the edge of thought

Without movement or feeling

I’m dead inside without you

And being killed by every move

Doesn’t help me one bit

I’m dead but I keep on dying

And seeing you hold the knife

Is not as thrilling as you think

You lie to me

Why me?

I do nothing to you

But your façade keeps everyone out

Except a select few

You broadcast it to the world

How these people get past your hard cold barrier

Into a softer you

Into your heart

How hopeful it looks from the outside

But there is no hope of passage to the inside

“let me in” I call

But there is no answer

You leave me in the cold

Alone with nobody

You let everyone in but me

Because you mistrust

I have no hope

I have no hope

Kill me now, once more

For I am a cat

But with more than 9 lives.

I am alone in this world

No mother

No father

No brother

No sister

No friends

No family

Just me myself and I

All because

You won’t let me in.

Hey now don't forget what love is

Don't remember you don't know

Just forget that you can't sit through my words

Without wanting to go

I can't sit here and think about how makeup runs

Down my face further away

From my thoughts

And my mind

Why is it that I wish I could be just like you

To be just like me

To get us through

And even though I know you'll never know me

Or recognize my face

I live on that last strand of hope

That one thin thread

Tears cause most of my pain

No matter how relieving they are

Pain is what came

I can't help but think about how horrible I feel after

Looking at you

Talking to you

Laughing, breathing, living with you

I just wish I could get away

Away from my mistakes

Away from my escapes

You have no idea what you've done to me

You've broken me down

Into a mindless heap of nothing

I manage to keep myself happy

With nothing truly important

But no one sees the tears I cry

Alone at night

It kills me to see how happy you look

When I'm so miserable

I realize now everyone has their own life

Everyone

But me

you're our saving grace.

here's to you and your poker face.

I'm starting to think I should just keep the fucking ducks for myself.

I realized today how parents ruin shit for you.

example - riding a bike

I despise riding bikes.

It used to be my favorite activity.

Now since my dad decided he wanted to be more "professional"

I DESPISE it.

Not cool.

Also what's up with my mom not going to work when she's actually here in texas? Seriously she got back from conneticut last night (that was a huge shit on my parade) and tried to fucking talk to me all night.

GOD I HATE HER

She thinks she's so fucking smart-

SHE DOESN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND TIMEZONES!!

I MEAN COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVEN I CAN FUCKING TELL YOU THAT CONNETICUT IS AN HOUR AHEAD OF FUCKING TEXAS.

YOU FUCKING IDIOT WOMAN!

She treats me like I'm a fucking DUMBSHIT

WHICH I know ISN'T true!

And lately my sister has even gotten meaner to me.

I SERIOUSLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every time in July or whenever my sister is about to leave for somewhere she gets all mean to me and I end up hating her for about a fucking week because she's acting like OUR MOTHER- AKA Le BITCH Extraordinaire.

Seriously I just want to cut all their heads off.

I have NO problem whatsoever living by myself.

It's a breeze, really- I DO IT EVERY FUCKING DAY

I'm surprised my mom ACTUALLY went to fucking work this morning.

HIP HIP HOORAY ZELLA

YOU'RE MY SAVING GRACE A FUCKING PAIN IN MY ASS.

And to make EVERYTHING better, I have a fucking CUT on the BOTTOM of my FOOT.

THEN this morning i woke up at 7 50  and ended up watching project runway like 3 times. then falling asleep- BUT dreaming that it was later in the day and for some reason I was on fucking project runway.

INGENIOUS. no?

God.

To top it all off im starting to think thinking that some people whom I MISS and WANT TO SEE... DONT really want to see ME.

Gee thanks. Lovely day isn't it? Have a spot of tea. How's your mum?

my mum?

she can die a horrible death for all I care.

no remorse.

God almighty.

-anne